punkpaleo

Some gigantic greasy breakfasts I’ve been eating! 

Black pudding is my new favourite food. It’s such a unique flavour, give it a go.

(Source: dabayah)

I’m not really girlfriend material. I don’t like playing the role, it has too many responsibilities and too much of actually having sex with people. I’m more interested in rough housing with boys. I wanna fight them and ride bikes and make silly jokes. So ladies don’t fret if I chokehold your man, I’ll return him to you soon in relative working order. However be very suspicious if I make him something like this delicious baconnaise, because I show my love for people by cooking them obscure foods.

I’ve never been much of a girlfriend, but I’m the best darned girlfriend in the world to Amirul, well apart from the fact I left him to go live in another country. I totally apply myself to the task of being his girlfriend and I reckon I do it pretty well. I’d cook him so much mayonnaise (cos baconnaise isn’t halal), and steak, and whatever else he wanted really, I’d even bake him a cake even though I wouldn’t eat it. I’d even brush my teeth after eating bacon so he doesn’t have to burn in the flames of eternal damnation. 

So anyway I made this baconnaise, and I made an extra little jar of it for my friend Gray. Ah you’re correct there, I’m giving him fermented animal fat products because I have a huge crush on him. I hope he likes it. <3

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Paleo life. 

My colourful breakfast this morning.

The inside of my family’s fridge: to the right is the hormone-filled spread Flora Pro-Activ that my mum, dad and sister use, to the left is my tub of rendered beef tallow, block of lard and bottle of heavy cream. A nice juxtaposition. The big silver pot is filled with bone broth, and on the lower shelf are some blackberries I picked yesterday. They’re trying to do best with what they know, I can’t convince them otherwise. My dad tried to have a go at me for eating so much saturated fat but it didn’t go anywhere. He quoted triglycerides, I don’t know anything about them but I’ve since read this article on cholesterol and paleo.

I signed up for a year at Blackwood Fitness for a dirt cheap $250, that includes all the classes. Yoga is on 5 days a week, and they have pilates too.

I started Stronglifts 5x5 today. Oh man is it intimidating going into the weights room. It’s full of muscly dudes who know what they are doing. I wore my taekwondo shirt so that I might get a little bit of cred. I was the only woman in there. I just did my thing and no one seemed to notice. I squatted the bar but we all have to start somewhere right? I’d like to make some friends so they can spot me and help me with my form, might do that once I feel a bit more confident in there. 

I don’t have a definite goal for weight lifting, I just want to be strong because I like being strong. Also it intimidates men and I like intimidating men, ha ha. 

Oh man I’m sore already. Tomorrow will suck. 

Ladies, how do you deal with this testosterone-fuelled environment? Is this the real reason most women don’t lift weights? If so I totally understand.

Girl-shaped tiger

Fitday is a bit obsessive, but I’ve posted my daily intake here so I can absolutely lord it over every thinspo/fitspo/calorie counting blog out there. Each to his own, for sure, but I’d like y’all to know that:

I eat ~3500 calories a day.

Calorie counters take heed: there is another way!

I was going to add and I’m losing weight but that would make it sound like that is my goal. My goal, actually, is to become a girl-shaped tiger. I want to be capable. I want to be dangerous. I want to be powerful. I want to be a thing of muscle and sinew and teeth. I want to be able to run and hunt and explore.

My aim is not to be beautiful, or be a pretty thing. My aim is not to be able to attract you. My aim is to be able to terrify you.

Because of this goal I measure myself by my capabilities rather than my physical dimensions. So on the rare occasion when someone gets my blood up by obnoxiously making jokes or criticising what I eat, my mind goes something like “motherfucker I could kill you with my bare hands, so you don’t get to say jack about what I eat,” meaning that because I am stronger/healthier than they are, they aren’t in a good position to tell me why my diet is wrong. I don’t say that out loud though!

I think it’s healthier to measure yourself by your capabilities rather than your physical appearance, because then you don’t get caught up in all that body image rubbish. Your body shape will depend on what you want to be able to do. Maybe you want nothing more than to be able to walk to the shop: mission accomplished, no need to try any harder, no need to feel guilty because your numbers don’t match those of women on TV. I want to be able to:

• Swim 50m across a pool on one breath;
• Hold my breath for 3 minutes;
• Be fit enough to spearfish once I get the chance;
• Rehabilitate my knee and ankle so I can run again;
• Be fit enough to handle the rigours of my upcoming travels.

Comments appreciated. What are your goals?

RAAAWR

onegirlslearningcurve ate this in a day.

I ate nearly that much for breakfast today, and I added a couple tablespoons of beef fat to it because it wasn’t fatty enough.

I suspect that paleo bloggers only post photos of meals they are proud of and leave the huge greasy meals unblogged and unloved. Either that or for some reason I’m eating way more than all the other paleo folks (some have just started and are definitely on the faileo diet, so their meal photos can be dismissed.) It’s not because I work out more; these people all seem pretty active. So I’m going to post some photos of the fatty, fatty food I eat. My hope is that people who are struggling with paleo because they don’t eat enough fat (also known as the falieo diet) will see it and go

“Aha! I thought I was eating a lot of fat, but I ain’t got nothin’ on this girl. Pass the lard, please.”

I used to think I ate a lot of fat, but it still wasn’t enough. I only had success with this diet after 3 months when I started eating food that was ridiculously greasy. Greasy with saturated fat, I might add - for some reason nuts and olive oil can’t sate the raging beast that is my hunger. I reckon I eat around 2000-3000 calories a day, 4000 if I freedive for a couple of hours.

I’m pretty sure the food I eat is so greasy that it would make regular people sick if they ate it. Photos of greasy, greasy deliciousness coming soon!

(Written while drinking a cup of coconut cream and bananas.)