I’m not a fan of any philosophy that seeks to ‘overcome’ the animal part of the brain, and to stop people from having bloodlust and rage, because I really like being a human animal, and being violent (martial arts) and hunting and killing things, and I feel that’s a pretty natural way to be, because people have been hunting and killing animals since before we were classified as people. I feel that a percentage of people in a population are going to be more prone to violence and perhaps need to fight often just to feel normal, and that’s OK because those people were probably warriors back in the day, and they can manage their tendencies by practising martial arts. All the people I know who do martial arts are really relaxed people, but some of them say that they feel a bit mad if they skip it for a few days.
It seems to be a pretty civilised, western view that people can be pacifists, because even our grandparents shot guns and kept animals to eat, so it’s only in the last few decades that people are even able to have this idea that people can be gentle and not kill stuff. I guess they’re railing against person to person violence, and I agree that sucks, but I also think it’s pretty natural for people to have violent tendencies, and perhaps there needs to be a culture in place of letting those people manage their tendencies in a healthy way instead of trying to repress them, then putting them in jail when they get violent again.
I love to fight, I need to get out my excess energy with exercise, I get angry at people when they do me wrong, I get bloodlust, I like to chase down fish and spear them, and I think that all of this is OK. Not only is it OK, it’s an integral part of my personality and I don’t ever want to give it up.
New drawing for SooJin Buzelli at Plansponsor magazine. The article this accompanies is about how stable investments are performing better than their peers. So, obviously. Let’s invent some narratives together. Let’s draw all the stuff.
I found out yesterday that this is nominated for a medal from Spectrum! That’s the good news. The bad news is that I’m up against Sam Weber, Victo Ngai, Chris Buzelli, and Sean Andrew Murray. More good news is that they’re all buds of mine and if you gotta lose to someone, may as well be to your buds. Results get announced in a couple of months.
I have an almost daily confrontation with the spectre of my own death and the loss of the people whom I love. I’m not particularly religious so I do not have that to fall back on as a means of solace. I am genuinely envious of you folks who do have religion in your life in many ways, but I think this actually provides me an interesting advantage:
I am NOT afraid to love people. People I know, people I have only just met. I’m not afraid to look like a jack-ass or to speak my mind because I know tomorrow, I or they, might be gone. I’m moved to tears by shit that other people find mundane, and I think that’s because I have this countdown timer in the back of my head and I know all too clearly that it will either be me getting left again…or I’ll be doing the leaving. Folks with a belief in the afterlife have a built in “do over” setting in their psyche. I however think you get one chance to get it right or wrong, but either way this is the one shot you’ve got.”
Dreamed of too many rabbits, Marilyn Manson hitting on me, trapped inside a sauna inside a truck, giant gleaming machinery everywhere, railing against being taught genetic modification in school, skipping class, avoiding teachers, exploring an abandoned house, lying to cops and tricking them, dumpsters driving themselves around to be emptied.
The first time I yelled back at a car I was really nervous, and didn’t get anything out besides “Excuse me, did you say something to me?” The second time I got in front of them at a traffic light and demanded an apology, which they immediately gave. Men look scared when confronted about their bad behaviour. They will say anything to get me to leave. In heavy traffic it’s really easy to get in front of a car, and then you hold the power, because they can’t go anywhere unless you let them. If you wanted to smash their car a bit you could too, because you could just ride away and they wouldn’t be able to chase you. The light turns red and suddenly the tables are turned, and they find themselves sitting inside a very easily damaged, expensive piece of machinery with an enraged cyclist screaming at them and banging on the hood.
In time got better at hurling insults. I got faster too. It became like a reflex to scream obscenities at the top of my lungs in response to honking or yelling from cars. I was surprised at how loud and powerful my voice could be. I sounded crass and I liked it. I intimidated everyone I confronted. Cars full of young hoons cowered and grovelled to try to appease me. This was the opposite of our relationship if we were pedestrians.
I got smarter too. I knew when to casually tell someone that I’d be reporting them to the police for something their passenger said, then recommend they “tell their little friend to shut the f**k up next time.” Yeah, I was cool. I knew when I get mad and when to say really clever stuff.
I’ve reported 2 incidents to police, one because I didn’t get the chance to yell at them, the other because they didn’t seem apologetic at all. They put it down as an ‘ancillary report’ of ‘offensive behaviour’ on the driver’s record, meaning it will show up when he is pulled over by police. The police advised me not to get in front of cars, lest they decide to run me over. But I don’t think that’s very likely. One policeman really didn’t want to take my complaint, but I stood firm and eventually he did. I guess they don’t like the extra work.
If you want to yell back I highly encourage you! It feels a whole lot better to vent your anger than to steam about it all day.